This just in!
Math Fact
“Algebra as a demonstrable gateway to later achievement and completion of Algebra II correlates significantly with success in college and earnings from employment. Students who complete Algebra II are more than twice as likely to graduate from college as students with less mathematical preparation” (Edutopia, 2008).
Lessons for Our Daughter
Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body, and a mirror is not the boss of you.
The benefit of the doubt is sometimes the best gift we can give our friends.
There will always be mean girls – that doesn’t mean we find a tower and Rapunzel ourselves away from the world.
Your daddy will love you better and longer than any boy ever will.
You are strong and capable of more than you can imagine right now, and the world needs your point of view.
Food is a joy; Ice cream is a love language.
Cook, decorate, clean, organize because you love to, not because someone tells you you’re meant to.
Dance – especially when you’re cleaning. Music makes everything better.
You’ll never be too old for one of us to rock you.
Nothing you tell us will ever make us want to stop hearing from you.
Washing your face every night is the best kind of beauty routine.
Use sunscreen – Leatherface is not attractive.
Mr. Darcy and popcorn make for a perfect evening.
Otis Spunkmeyer is the best in the world.
A good movie can change your perspective on life.
Never brag; let others speak good will about you.
Home is not where we live but where those who love us do.
Your name holds a special meaning to us.
Staying up late to read a good book is never time wasted.
Good girls aren’t boring.
Great mascara is always worth the investment.
Sweet tea is only one of the best parts of visiting your relatives in the South.
The best way never to worry about anyone gossiping about you is never to gossip about anybody.
Saying sorry first is a sign of strength not a weakness.
We’re on your side; especially on the days when it doesn’t feel like it.
Your body is not just yours. It’s a gift from us and everyone else can wait.
Great sex requires a beautiful sense of humor and a partner who’s in it for life.
The movies lie. Passion isn’t a contorted exercise on a marble staircase. It’s doing the dishes together and lying with your feet touching in bed at the end of a long day.
Marriage is an act of courage, commitment, and sacrifice. It’s also the most fun you’ll ever have with your best friend.
Always fight fair. But don’t be afraid to fight.
Long hair requires a really good conditioner.
God says he made all things beautiful – that includes you – no matter how you feel about your body.
Fashion is not for parents; it’s your job to teach keep us hip.
A good cry is great therapy.
No women are immune from cliques. You can’t control what others think about you. Let it go.
Bad hair days are inevitable. There’s no such thing as perfect.
A strong man is never threatened by a strong woman.
Go big even if it means failing big. Especially then.
A good friend loves at all times. Period. Be the friend you wish you had.
A first kiss should be nervous, awkward, and treasured.
I am not your best friend. But I will be your biggest fan, proponent, and defender.
Don’t disregard music, yours or your parent’s. Just listen.
Stop for sunsets.
Prince Charming isn’t a fairytale; he’s a myth
Daughters teach us about our mothers. You gave me back my mom.
Jesus loves you for you, not for your ability to bear children.
Husbands need a wife, not another mom.
It’s not true what they say about childbirth. It sucks, but it’s worth it.
Love waits. Patience is never wasted.
The only thing holding you back from making a difference in the world will be yourself.
Girlfriends are the best kind of free therapy there is.
Don’t just Instagram your life. Live it. Real life is always better than online.
Eating too much nerds candy will be something your teeth make you regret in your thirties.
We are interested in your growth as much as your happiness. Challenge yourself.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t do it, wear it, or say it.
Travel and learn at least one other language.
Cross-cultural marriage is much harder than you can ever imagine when you first fall in love.
Homesickness never gets easier, but you can always come home.
We need each other, and you are never as alone as you might feel.
Don’t be afraid to be foolish. Bad haircuts grow out eventually.
Don’t be afraid of a broken heart. You will love again.
The painful truth is always easier than a messy lie.
Nothing will make us love you less; nothing will make us love you more.
You’re the most brave when you’re the most scared and keep going anyway.
Womanhood is a gift. Scars and stretch marks are earned not regretted.
You will always be our baby girl.
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport this morning as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a press conference just before noon today, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. Although he did not identify the man, he confirmed that the man has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns” but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.” The Attorney General went on to say “Teaching our children sentient thought processes and equipping them to solve problems is dangerous and puts our government at risk.
—Nick Higson, science teacher extraordinaire in Thorne Bay, Alaska
